Abuse comes in many forms and the effects on the victim can be both devastating and far reaching. Signs of physical abuse such as domestic violence are visually clear for us to see in the form of bruises or marks. The scars left by emotional or psychological abuse, however, are far harder to identify or even see at all.
In the majority of cases abuse revolves around the abusers needing to exert control through the maltreatment of their victims, which in and of itself, can cause feelings of isolation, fear and crippling distrust.
As a victim you can often be made to feel like either there is nothing wrong or in extreme cases that you are to blame for the problems. This is often reinforced by actions that seek to control or shame you – stripping away any privacy, ordering you about, treating you like a child and even shaming you and making you feel guilty in social settings.
Abusers' own insecurities can often manifest in severe jealousy and they can project that onto you as they become angry and seek to accuse or blame you through the use of guilt. Abusers tend to place their own emotional needs ahead of yours. Many abusers will try to come between you and people who are supportive of you to make you more dependent on them, removing you from your friends and family, ultimately isolating you further under the falsehood that they are all you need.
Over a period of time this can chip away at a person’s self-esteem until they feel so worthless that they become reliant or ‘co-dependent’ upon the very person that is abusing them. A co-dependent relationship is when everything you do is in reaction to your abuser’s behaviour. And they need you just as much to boost their own self-esteem. You’ve forgotten how to be any other way. It’s a vicious circle of unhealthy behaviour.
Sadly, our abusers are often those that are closest to us and can therefore cause the greatest pain and provide the most difficulty in admitting the problem. Because of our close proximity we can even seek to excuse or defend their behaviour.
No matter who it is, what form it takes, you don’t deserve it and it’s not your fault!
If you feel that any of this resounds or resonates in you, and that you are potentially the victim of mental and emotional abuse, trust your instincts. Know that it isn’t right and you don’t have to live this way. Acceptance that the abuse is not your responsibility is a tremendously important step and whilst daunting and sometimes frightening, you are not alone.
Through therapy we can work together to break down the abuse and identify the effects that it has had on you, validating you as an individual and the emotional scars you carry.
Together we can work through the necessary steps to rebuild you without the negative impact of the abuse.
If coming to therapy is still a prospect that you feel you are not ready for then there are always people to talk to that can be there to listen in times of need:
115 123
24/7 helpline for anyone who needs to talk. .
0808 2000 247
National Domestic Abuse Helpline for Women or Children.
0808 8010327
Men’s advice line for victims of domestic abuse.
0808 802 9999
Sexual Assault Helpline
0808 801 0331
National Association for People Abused in Childhood supporting adult survivors of any form of childhood abuse.
0800 1111
Support for children and younger people.
020 7823 5430
Information and advice for parents with concerns about bullying or abuse.
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